When I was seventeen years old I underwent a second trimester, saline abortion. Although I wanted to have my baby, my parents pressured to submit to the abortion. After many hours of labor I gave birth to a dead baby boy. To say that this had a major impact on my life is an understatement.
Through my healing I have learned how to have more compassion and mercy for others. I am careful not to judge, for I know where I have come from and how much I needed compassion and mercy. Through my child lost to abortion, God has taught me about true love as opposed to the self-centered attachments I always wanted. Through the forgiveness I have been shown by God and others I have learned how to forgive others–and even myself. Because of the love I have found in God, I am less afraid of the suffering because I know I am never alone in this life; He is with me.
I won’t lie to you. It was a difficult journey. You must face yourself honestly, and it is frightening to confront the many faults we have. For those of us who are post-abortive, often the very things we have to face are the same fears that caused us to choose abortion in the first place. The paradox is that facing these things–fear of abandonment, self-love, pride, etc.–is the very thing that will set us free from them. No matter how hard the journey, it is never as difficult as what you are living with now.
Remember that you are not alone in your feelings. There are reasons for them. There is no room for “politics” or controversy in post-abortion healing. We have lost our children. We must be allowed to grieve for them.